Monday, February 27, 2006
drooling
went to the pdoc today. just got back a little while ago, actually. and i got free parking while i was there. love to find a meter that still has time on it. feel like i'm making money. anyway, she's decided to switch meds. she's slowly going to cut out the geodon, seroquel and risperdal. and start me on clozaril. the only thing i really know about this drug is that it makes people drool a lot. and it can cause weight gain. great, from now on, i'm going to be a drooling fat person. over the weekend, the voices got worse. and i was feeling very suicidal. especially saturday night. i slept most of yesterday trying not to cut or hurt myself and of course had those horrid dreams. this clozaril is supposed to take the voices away and help with the suicidal thoughts. and make me drool, did i mention that? unfortunately, it has to be increased slowly and the other anti-psychotic need to be reduced slowly. sean asked what amount of time we were looking at and karen said six months. how the hell am i going to take another six months of this? it getting better for a while then come crashing down all around me again.
i'm going to have to have weekly blood work done for a while because it can affect your white cell count. lower it. mine is always high like i'm fighting off an infection. i don't know why it's high, no one seems to know why. so anyway, back to the drooling drug. i looked it up online. got a little information. it's supposed to help you get your thoughts clear, help you get your life back from the voices and suicidal thoughts. i had started saving up my meds again. though i realized that not taking them just makes me feel worse. i have some saved up. not enough to do anything with. i've been taking them the way i am supposed to the past couple of days. i feel like i'm babbling all over the place. it's hard to concentrate. she's reducing the lamictal (the mood stabilizer) to help with my concentration. i feel like i'm in a fog a lot of the time, especially today. and i get up to do something in the kitchen and forget once i get there what i was going to do. except for feeding the cats, they're kind enough to remind me. man, pretty soon i'll be drooling all over my keyboard. i don't suppose the AppleCare will cover any damage done by that. i have no idea what i've already said.
oh, sean said that mr. goodwanker called her back, said that he had been on vacation and now has gotten the paperwork in. damned asshole. you'd think that after looking through my bank statements and seeing that i had a negative balance, he'd have taken care of that before his vacation. the jackass. she's trying to reach him again to see how long it should take for the checks. i've been thinking everyday that they might come. stupid me. didn't know the idiot was sitting around scratching himself for a week. grrrrrrr.....
Posted by Lisa ::
3:18 PM ::
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