Monday, November 07, 2005
i'm still very upset about my sister's situation. i don't know how she'll be able to save up money to get an apt. i'm thinking of taking a loan out on a credit card to give to her.
i had coffee with sean this noon. and as soon as she saw me she frowned. i had taken all my prns just to get out of the house. she asked if i was going to be okay until tomorrow and i said, yes. asked if i was safe to drive home. thought about that one for a minutes, then said, yes. but i was looking at the grills of those tractor trailers. i know that i have to stay okay for my sister.she'd be destroyed between that damned asshole leaving her, losing her house and losing her sister too. no matter how much i want to end it all and just be free of everything, i can't do it.
i don't think the klonopin is working anymore. i went to the very small grocery storee on the way home from meeting sean and i just started shaking uncontrollably. i was trying to swipe my debit card but i was shaking so much i had to do it three times. and then, time to put in my PIN. i was shaking the whole little machine. the cashier was sweet, she held it for me and i got my pin in there. lord knows what she thought. but i've come to a place where i don't really care what people think anymore. i'm going to ask my pdoc tomorrow if we can try something other than the klonopin. i've been on it for quite a while. i don't know waht will help anymore. as i was cashing out at the store, i saw that they had razor blades at the check-out. but i didn't get any. i wanted to, but i didn't. i can't do anything that my sister might find out about that would upset her. that damned asshole is turning her world upside down and there's nothing that i can about it.
Posted by Lisa ::
11:40 AM ::
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