Tuesday, May 30, 2006
car change
change is beautiful. change is beloved. hadn't had a cigarette since after the condo meeting last evening. just had one thanks to car change. dizzy as hell. ain't it grand?
the condo meeting was excruciating last night. she had already told me all the things she had to say. it was like sitting through a really bad movie for the second time. arrgggghhhh!!!!
went to see the squid today. she told me she was going to ask what nickname i gave her, but not today. she's going to make some calls and see if she can get any kind of update on sean. i doubt she's be able to find out anything. but it's worth a try. the squid is on vacation next week. but she's going to call me thursday and friday. i keep thinking it's wednesday. she'll call me tomorrow too.
i just left a message for the barbarian to see if we can go to the food pantry tomorrow. it's always easier to leave voicemail than to ask someone in person. she won't be in til tomorrow.
god, i want sean to come back. so much that it hurts.
i just called the pdoc and they don't have anything until the 23rd of june. i know that if i called her directly she'd find a space to see me. but as i don't like going, i doubt that i'm going to do that. sean would be all over them to find a sooner appt.
i'm going to see marsha today. feels like a long time since i've seen her. it has been a few weeks. she'll be very understanding about sean.
everything seems like such a mess. i don't know how much longer i can deal with this. it's eating me up. i'm starting to feel desperate for relief. i wish i had a pill that would really knock me out. being awake is painful. i just don't want to face things.
i don't want to see the barbarian tomorrow. i want to hide in bed all day. every day until this situation with sean is worked out and i know whether or not she's coming back.
the lawn ball is in extreme danger. i keep thinking of how much pleasure i'd get from destroying it. whacking it over and over with my wiffle ball bat. becoming a total maniac. after the lawn ball come the cement boots. i think the best way to handle that is to take it up to the third floor and hurl it into the street. while i'm on a roll, i might as well douse the lilac bushes with gasoline so that i won't be bothered by them next year. let's see.....what else can i do to neighbor #2? maybe i should branch out and include other neighbors.maybe i could get someone else here and have them lie in ducklady's driveway and i could outline them in chalk. see if they notice. or get some police line, do not cross ribbon and put it across their driveway. could you imagine coming home to that? that would be fun to watch.
i'm certainly in a mean mood today. but it's fun to think about these little projects. takes my mind off of other things. for a short period, anyway.
Posted by Lisa ::
9:40 AM ::
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