Friday, December 30, 2005
so far....
this day sucks. the only person i've seen since tuesday has been the nurse. yet i don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. i don't really have the energy to talk to anyone. i still haven't listened to my brother's message. i just don't want to hear it. no matter how nice it is or maybe it's nasty since i haven't talked to him in a year. never gave him my new address. i have to get his son's gifts mailed. the trouble is finding a box that's the right size to hold them. does the post office have boxes or just envelopes? i should know this at my age but i don't. don't mail a lot of things other than bill payments and cards.
one good thing about living here in nowhereville is that the condo is well insulated. on days like this when it's in the high thirties, the heat doesn't come on. my old house had almost no insulation, the heat was running all the time. and it was oil and it cost a ridiculous amount even though towards the end i had it set for 50. there were a few times that the nurse came and i could see her breath. the furnace couldn't keep up when it was blasted cold even being set that low. even with the windows covered in plastic. i could sit on the couch and feel a draft. and a damned cold one at that.
here i have my heat at a balmy 65. and it's comfortable. sometimes gets too hot in bed. but that might be "cat power." or it might be because the heat vent is right next to the bed about half way up the wall.
i don't know that i've ever felt so lonely in my life. i'm not one to feel lonely. enjoy my time alone. being with people makes me tired nowadays.
it was stupid of me to reschedule my pdoc appt. and dammit, the squid (also known as calamari when she sits too close to the heater) is back next week. it's getting easier to go but not to talk.i make small talk tor the most part. i don't think that therapy can help me but people are counting on me to go. i've been in therapy for most of my life. and i really don't think that it helps. i don't know. i'm unwilling to talk about so many things. probably the things that i need to talk about the most. i can share more here than i can with a therapist.
the cats are happy. they just got their daily dose of Fancy Feast.
i'm going to blog a bit later. share some of the things about my mother, i think.
Posted by Lisa ::
11:54 AM ::
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