Thursday, December 22, 2005
the mess that is my life
so many things. when i was talking with sean on the phone this afternoon, while waiting to hear about my sister, and i told her that i didn't know that i could be a source of support for my sister. she said, i'm sure you'll rise to the occasion and pay for it later. i told her that was the way it usually worked. how does she know these thing??? she said that i was a kind, compassionate, loving person. i told her she got paid to say that. and she said, no i don't. i offered to talk to her supervisor so that she could get a raise. i don't take compliments well.
so here i am sitting waiting for my sister to call. feeling helpless. but at least now i know where she is. i really think they're going to put her on the psych floor. a fucking lousy place to spend christmas. if they send her home, i'm going to be furious. earlier, she said that she was peeing blood. she takes so many painkillers for her back (which aren't working very well right now) she didn't know if it was masking the pain of something else.
and the 29th is the anniversary of our mother's death. i'm sure that's not helping her any.
i took all my prns and my nighttime meds today so i have nothing to help me sleep tonight. i just needed them during the day. some days i wish that i could just take thorazine and be knocked out for the day.
i still haven't opened my christmas cards. i should. i know one of them (i recognize her handwriting) is going to be very sweet. she's a 71 year old that i met at the hospital a couple of years ago. there were three of us who grew close.
okay, i just opened my fuckin' christmas cards. they were both very sweet. the other one was from my nephew and his girlfriend. a cat one of course, addressed to me and all of the cats. i'm surprised that they remembered the names of all the cats. sometimes i have trouble.
maybe not hearing from my sister yet means that they finally took her in. i just found out from her friend, whom i called to say that there was no news, that my sister had the dumbass drive her around for her visits today. she was feeling that bad. she's so afraid of losing her job. when your nurse shows up looking worse than you, that's bad.
Posted by Lisa ::
7:46 PM ::
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