Friday, December 09, 2005
i am really suicidal tonight. don't have any pills on hand but the thought of cutting my wrists while in the bathtub (to avoid a mess) keeps going through my mind. i can't seem to get rid of the thought. i need something to distract me. shoveling did it earlier. i suppose i could hop on my exercise bike and maybe that would do the trick. i don't know.
i just ordered a cheeseburger. no poppers because last time they gave me half with cheddar cheese and half with cream cheese. yuck! even though i told them i wanted them with cheddar.
i can't believe that sean forgot to call me all day. that certainly doesn't add to my mood. and now the weekend begins. the hardest time for me.
i'm sick of the nurses coming. but i don't know that having them not come is a great idea. especially when i feel like this. if i had the pills here, i think i'd down every one of them.
damn this bra strap. the other ones don't fall down. why does this one? i don't think it's me who's crooked i think it's this damned bra. one strap longer than the other.
i'm not going to do anything about my suicidal ideations. right now, my kitties and their fate worry me more than my sister's reaction. that sounds cold. without me, my sister would have no family. my brother doesn't count cause neither of us can forgive what he did growing up. i wish his 7 year old son could just appear without his parents. i got him some Lego's for christmas. he loves legos. i'll mail them out to him. because i don't want to see either of his parents. and i guess i'll have to put a return address on the package. my brother doesn't know where i live. and i'd prefer to keep it that way, but whatcha goin' to do?
okay, i've taken up enough cyberspace.....
Posted by Lisa ::
6:29 PM ::
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