Tuesday, March 07, 2006
bloggin' while i can
the guy at the bank was really nice. i took out a loan to pay the bank. taking out a loan from the same bank that you're taking out the loan to pay off. weird. but in four months it'll be paid off and my account will be back to normal. hopefully i'll get the retroactive check before then and can just pay it off. the guy was so nice. i think i want to marry him. though he's kind of wimpy looking. okay, i guess i don't want to marry him. i feel relieved with that out of the way. no poppers for me yet. but did get some creamer and milk. mac and cheese is going to be the feast for the next few days. i think i have four boxes of it from the food pantry. that and rice with refried beans and salsa. i gave ella some milk as soon as i got home. she was very happy and went out on the porch to sleep in the sun. i wouldn't mind doing that. if i had a nice cushy chaise out there, i think i'd be out there with her.
with no segue whatsoever, i'm feeling the need to cut. maybe it's this whole ss thing. everything feeling so out of control. i'm going to try not to. it's not going to solve anything. just make me feel better for a while. it would be a wonderful release. all of the tension, frustration, discouragment....all that kind of stuff builds up and cutting provides a temporary release. sometimes, after i do it, it helps me to cry.
when sean and i got to the ss office, they were serving number 20. i got number 47. good thing i took all my prns before leaving the house or i'd have been crawling out of my skin. i did walk into a pole as we were walking down the street. fortunately sean didn't see.
Posted by Lisa ::
2:14 PM ::
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