Wednesday, January 18, 2006
waiting on the cat...
so that i can go to bed. all i'm doing is crying. might as well do that in bed. i feel myself sliding deeper and deeper in depression. don't know what's causing it. i've also been hearing voices since sunday. i can't take this. it has to stop one way or another. i just want to get into bed and stay there. for a few days. not have the phone ring. not have any nurses, nothing. i was tempted to flush my nighttime meds a little while ago but i took them. i don't know why. they don't seem to be helping. what is going to help? if i did what i want to do, it would send my sister over the edge. she's not doing well at all. there's no money to get me creamated anyway. that's what i want. and to have my ashes thrown in the ocean. they'd just end up washing back up on the shore. i'd end up part of a kid's sand castle. not a bad thing to be. what am i going to do? i can't go on like this. it just keeps getting worse. i don't know how i'm going to go to the food pantry tomorrow with sean. it feels way too hard. everything feels way too hard.
Posted by Lisa ::
8:42 PM ::
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