Monday, May 01, 2006
for some reason....
i'm thinking about being pregnant. and wondering if i did the right thing when i was. when i step back and think about it, i feel that i did. all that haldol when i didn't know that i was pregnant. i wish after all these years, i could stop questioning myself. but it was impossible to know. i hate that. fuck. there was no way to know. i feel that that's going to haunt me for the rest of my life.
i just ordered a cheeseburger. to drown my sorrows in ground beef. i haven't heard from sean which probably means she isn't going to call. i feel so screwed up right now.
i almost told regular nurse that she could leave my med (locked) box here today. but then i thought about it and knew i would have gotten into before tomorrow morning. it's very tempting today to go get some sleeping pills. and razor blades. i don't know why today is so hard.
i'm burning a honeysuckle candle. it smells really good. the melon candle was just about burnt out. plus i was using the top to it as an ashtray.
ah, well.
Posted by Lisa ::
3:03 PM ::
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