Wednesday, June 13, 2007
whine
tonight might be my last warm bath for a while. they're going to shut off my gas. damn fucktards, always wanting money. i'm choosing to look on the bright side. at least it's not the electricity. that would really suck.
i'm at the coffee shop getting a lousy internet signal.
i saw my pdoc this morning. she made some changes. at this point, i don't have faith in anything anymore. i've been taking a lot of the flower essences that sean mixed up for me. i think they help to a point. they're not magic, which is what i'm hoping for these days. but then, so is everyone.
i'm diddling around waiting for pam, the barbarian's fill in. filling in while the barb is in california. she'll be back next week.
this certainly is the place to people watch. some are downright scary. but that's what makes this town great. one of the things that i miss about it. phuckin' internet signal sucks.
this morning is a service for my great aunt. it's here in town. i'd be going but i have nothing to wear. all my decent clothes are too small. or i'm too big. either way.... her son is having her creamated, so there'll be a separate graveside service at some other time. maybe i can find something to wear by then. it's finding something with long sleeves this time of year that's the problem. i don't want the world to see my scars. i feel really bad about not going to the service today. it started ten minutes ago. i get so angry with myself about the scars. you'd think i wouldn't cut anymore because of that, but nothing seems to stop me when i have that going through my head. the pdoc raised my clozaril, which is supposed to help with the suicidal thoughts and the thoughts of cutting. i just want to go to sleep and not wake up.
i just switched tables, got a better signal now. yeehaw!!! well there's a little brightness in my life. doesn't take much.
oh,man, they're peeling oranges for the juicer. smells damned good.
back at home. in the comfort of my bed, with oliver rubbing against the laptop.
pam and i didn't meet for very long. that was fine with me. i was anxious to get home. i have to go back out to wallyworld but i'm waiting for the squid to call. she called while is on my way to my appt. with the pdoc. i called her back and got her machine. i wish i had some idea of when she'll call. i'd like to get my trip to wallyworld out of the way.
Posted by Lisa ::
5:17 PM ::
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